The day went by, completely, as days go by--except, for most people there is contentment. There are objectives, routines, roles, duties, responsibilities, projects, hobbies, chores, etc.
For me, there is nothing. And by nothing I don't mean that there are not things that I could be working on. However... life is shit!
When there is nothing to commit one's day to (not even simply relaxing and not doing anything), that is, when one has Borderline Personality Disorder and is trapped in this daily sluggishness pervaded by emptiness, there is nothing! Nothing but anguish! No amount of pills can make it go away. There is no effort to be found to attempt to engender to salvage one's day.
One's internal state dictates that everything be in vain, that everything be meaningless, that everything drive one to the point of waiting (perhaps even praying) for death... Suicidal ideation is the brainstorm of this eternal misery.
And... it continues. Every little thing wears on one's nerves. The smallest of daily monotonous phenomenon gyrate on the extreme sensitivity of the senses - of the nerve endings - to the point that one is about to snap... or does snap. The inevitably annoying quirks of a toddler. Dogs barking. The lack of motivation, or perceiving any point in motivation. Sheer utter emptiness, boredom, restlessness.
How is one to "survive" such days?
-I don't know!...
